


Agony Uncle Hyuuga

by WhisperElmwood



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, Anal Sex, Comedy, Domestic, Humor, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-31
Updated: 2011-07-31
Packaged: 2017-10-22 01:08:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/231996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhisperElmwood/pseuds/WhisperElmwood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neji is an Agony Uncle for the Fire Country National Radio - this is a day in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Agony Uncle Hyuuga

**Author's Note:**

> Written early 2008. Rather pleased with this one, though now that I re-read it, I obviously didn't do enough research into what goes on in a radio station. Shhhh - just pretend I did XD

“And now for the morning news!”

Neji slammed his hand down on the offending clock-radio, effectively turning it off. Ino’s voice was far too grating for this early in the morning. Shino’s calm tones reading the news would probably be alright, but he really couldn’t be bothered to hear the news now – he’d only be hearing it again, repeatedly, later.

Yawning widely, Neji rolled over and flopped an arm over Shikamaru. His boyfriend and fellow radio presenter hadn’t even woken. He wasn’t surprised; it took a lot to wake Shikamaru up – and conversely, not much to send him to sleep. He was infuriating that way.

Stretching lithely, he proceeded to tickle his lover mercilessly. Before he’d gotten far, Shikamaru was snorting and writhing in an attempt to get away from his abuser.

“Get off, get off GET OFF!”

Neji laughed heartily as Shikamaru pushed him out of bed, “You deserved it.” He flipped his long hair over his shoulder and grinned at the bleary eyes frowning at him from the now tight bundle of duvet. Climbing to his feet, he grabbed the duvet and neatly whipped it off the bed.

“Argh! Do you have to do that, Neji?” Shikamaru curled up, gripping his pillows, glaring at him from under his loose hair.

Balling the duvet up in his arms, Neji simply smirked, “Yupp.”

His smile broadened at the muttered ‘Troublesome.’ He threw the duvet in the corner and went to shower, humming the latest chart topper – another annoyingly catchy tune – under his breath.

* * * *

On his way to work, much later that day, Neji took great pains to avoid the paparazzi. He wasn’t exactly famous, but he was well known enough to frequently appear in the gossip mags, if he didn’t watch his step.

It had been hell when they found out he was gay – as if that had been hard to tell, in the first place – he had found himself splashed over all the mags and a handful of the less reputable newspapers, even the major newspapers had carried a couple of inches on the story. Shikamaru had collected them all, enjoying the attention immensely.

So, he tried to keep his head down when out. Though his creamy skin, pale eyes and waist-length hair were dead give away's. Today he had tucked his hair into his top and doffed a pair of sunglasses. You never knew, it might work.

Unfortunately, as he turned into the Station’s car park, the paparazzi were waiting. So that was another disguise he couldn’t use. He smiled as he passed them and closed the door firmly behind him.

Spotting Chouji in the common room, he dropped into a comfy seat and sighed, “Any interesting news today?”

Chouji nodded, “I had the Mayor on the phone earlier. Tsunade apparently enjoys the way we stir trouble here.”

Neji cracked one eye open, “Really?”

Chouji nodded, “She complimented the station – which I’m sure will please Kakashi and Iruka.”

“Hrm.” Kakashi and Iruka owned the station together and were notorious for pissing off the local and even national governments, just for laughs. Kakashi in particular had such an air about him of insubordination, that his very presence was reputed to cause acute stress attacks. Iruka went about it a little more subtly. You rarely knew what the man was up to, but when things went to hell, you knew it had been his work.

“Oh, what are you still doing here, anyway?” Chouji was the 9 to 12 morning chat show host, it was now getting on to 14:45.

“I chatted on air with Naruto and Sakura for a bit, and Ino’s coming back in to see Sakura after the Chart show, so I’m waiting for her.” Chouji smiled gently as he said this. Ah. So Shikamaru had been right in thinking there was something going on there.

Neji checked his watch and stood up; he’d better get in his booth. After excusing himself, he quickly fixed himself a mug of coffee and made his way through the maze of sound equipment, wiring and sound booths. To get to his own room, he’d have to go through Naruto and Sakura’s booth.

He knocked on the door before popping through, both presenters grinned at him. Izumo – their researcher and silent ‘co-host’ - waved a greeting, before turning back to his computer. “How’s it going? Please tell me that awful track isn’t at number one today?”

Naruto laughed and Sakura shook her head, both moving one side of their headphones over slightly, the better to hear him. “Nah mate, it got knocked off the top spot by something even worse.”

Neji grimaced just as the current track finished and Sakura spoke into her mic, “That was ‘Superstar’ by ‘Lupe Fiasco’, today’s number three spot in the download charts. And look who’s just turned up, say ‘hi’ Neji!”

Neji rolled his eyes but smiled, “Hi. I do hope we’ve got some good news on the number one spot?”

Naruto crowed, “You’re just about to find out. Here’s our number two, down one spot this week, ‘Crank That’, by ‘Soulja Boy’ – which means there’s a brand new track at number one today!” He flicked a switch and the track was playing.

Naruto slumped slightly, “I’m tellin’ ya, we really need something better in the charts next week, I’m getting sick of these two.” Sakura nodded listlessly.

Neji smirked, “Getting stuck in your head as well, is it?” He opened the door between booths, “Is it Sasuke or Shino on the news next? I missed the earlier reports.”

Sakura raised an eyebrow, “Sasuke, Shino’s on later. Hope you have a good show today.”

He nodded and closed the door, sipping the coffee. Kotetsu, his own silent-co-host and researcher, was already sitting at the computer. He grinned, running a hand through his perpetually spiky hair.

“We’ve got about three minutes until Sasuke does the news, another five until we’re on.”

Neji nodded, glancing through the plexi-glass at the producer and the director, Asuma and Gai respectively. Asuma nodded and Gai grinned, giving him a thumbs up.

He dropped into his seat, placing his RTFM coffee mug to one side. Flicking his hair back, he put the headphones on, making sure to not get tangled in the wire, and pulled the mic down to a comfortable level. He glanced at the large clock on the wall, Sasuke should be reading the news by now.

He pulled his note book out of his bag, made himself comfortable – a new page and fresh pen within easy reach – and watched Gai.

“Hope we get some good problems on today,” Kotetsu said from behind him. Neji smirked again, “We’ll probably end up with half a dozen fan-girls again, like yesterday. I hate the summer holidays.”

Kotetsu snorted in sympathy.

Gai waved to get their attention and held one hand up, fingers splayed. He began the count down, one finger folding for each second.

Three…two…one…

“Good afternoon! Thank you to Sasuke for the news and Naruto and Sakura for the Download Charts this week. I don’t think we’re ever going to get over that three week stint with Soulja Boy at number one. I suppose that’s more work for me, though! The time is just after five past three, here’s a piece to get the juices flowing. ‘Sun Goes Down’ by ‘David Jordan’.”

He switched a dial and glanced up at Naruto, pulling faces at him through the dividing plexi-glass. Shaking his head he threw him a rude gesture and grinned when a flash of pink signalled Sakura putting an end to the shenanigans.

The track slowly came to an end and he switched the dial, allowing himself to talk over it, “More contemporary music to follow at six tonight, when Lee and Tenten take over for the Evening Chat. Right now, we have Agony Uncle Hyuuga and today’s topic of discussion is Monogamy. Have you ever cheated on your partner? Discovered your partner cheating on you? Have you ever been the third party? How about your parents? How did it affect you, to find one, or both, of them broke their marriage vows? Have you ever been involved in a non-monogamous relationship? Call in all afternoon with your thoughts or questions.”

He played a jingle, while Kotetsu put a couple of callers through.

“Welcome to Fire radio, you’re live on air, please don’t swear.”

He took a sip of coffee.

“Hey, Neji. Haku here. I found out this weekend that my long term girlfriend was fucking my best mate behind my back.”

It was going to be a long afternoon.

* * * *

Neji doodled on the open pad as yet another caller turned out to be calling to tell him how much she loved him. Shikamaru was going to give him an earful when he arrived. But there really was no way to differentiate between the real callers and his fanbase.

“It’s nice of you to say so, Konan, but I need to clear the lines for those who want my help.” He switched her line off without so much as a goodbye and opened the next one.

“You’re on air, please don’t swear. How can we help?”

A vaguely familiar voice answered, “Hey, Neji. I need some advice. I think I really ruined my relationship.”

“So, what happened?”

The caller sighed, “I went to my girlfriends for a party last weekend and got drunk. Her mom came home early and – well – basically, she dropped her drink all over me and I went to the bathroom to clean up and she followed and one thing lead to another…”

Neji tried not to laugh, “You slept with your girlfriend’s mother?”

“Yes! But I didn’t mean too! We were drunk!”

He glanced at Kotetsu, the older man was holding a hand over his mouth, trying not to burst into laughter. He grinned and turned back to the mic.

“I take it your girlfriend knows about this?”

“Yes, she walked in on us.” The voice was definitely familiar and slipping into whine territory.

Neji shook his head, “I’m afraid there’s not much I can suggest to you. Have you sat and talked this over with your girlfriend?”

There was a mumbled ‘no’ in response, “Well, it seems to me that you have got a lot of begging to do. And a lot of apologising. If she still doesn’t forgive you, then I suggest you leave it at that.”

“Yeah, I suppose…”

Neji switched the dial to cut him off and mouthed ‘Konohamaru?’ at Kotetsu, who nodded with a worried glance up at Asuma. The older man, their Producer, and Konohamaru’s uncle, did not look happy.

“Well, there’s a cautionary story for you, getting too drunk is definitely bad for you. And that brings an end to the show. One last piece of music for you all and Shino will be taking over with the evening news update. I hope you’ve found today’s program helpful.”

He flicked on the jingle, “Tomorrow’s topic of discussion, Body Issues. Do you hate your appearance? Is there a particular part of your body that you would like to have work on? Have you been bullied for you appearance? Have you ever bullied someone else for theirs? What about the psychological affects of drastic surgery? If you have any questions or advice, cautionary tales, anything, please call in tomorrow afternoon to discus it here on Agony Uncle Hyuuga.”

He flicked another dial, “One last track to play us out, and I hope to see you all again tomorrow afternoon! ‘Start Wearing Purple’ by ‘Gogol Bordello’. This is Neji, signing out.”

He sat back with a deep sigh. He jumped when someone lifted his earphones for him, “Hello lover.”

He blinked and looked up – when had Shikamaru come in? He smiled and reached up, pulling the slightly younger man down for a kiss. It lasted a while longer than was appropriate with Kotetsu still sitting at the computer behind them, but he didn’t really care.

Shikamaru laughed when he let him go, “That bad, huh?”

Neji grimaced, “Five ‘fucks’, three ‘bastards’ and a smattering of ‘bitches’. Iruka is going to kill me. At least there were any ‘C-words’. I’m going to be fending off hundreds of offended emails for the rest of the evening.”

Kotetsu laughed, “You’ve already got thirty or so. Mostly old busy-bodies. They think your show should be canned, if it encourages such language. Though I think there are a few from fan-girls again.”

Neji sighed again, sitting up. He hung his earphones on the hook, dropped his notebook and pen in his bag and picked up his now empty mug. Over the past three hours, he’d managed to drink at least six mugs of coffee. He was more than a little buzzed.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Kotetsu. Leave the emails for me, I’ll go through them tonight. Have a good evening.”

He pulled Shikamaru after him as he left, “We have a couple of hours ‘til your show, right?”

Shikamaru nodded, a smile playing about his lips.

“Good. We’re going somewhere private so we can fuck. I can not wait until you get home.”

“The callers today really must have got to you, Neji.” Shikamaru pulled him into a quick hug and kiss. Neji relented and folded into his arms.

“Yeah. You do this kind of job for any length of time, you realise that not everyone is as nice as they pretend to be. Just take me home and prove them wrong, please.”

* * * *

Luckily, they didn’t live too far from the Station, or things wouldn’t have gone too well. As it was, they barely made it to the living-room before Neji was panting into Shikamaru’s hair as the younger, smaller man roughly brought him off.

Groaning as he came, Neji proceeded to strip his lover of his clothing, dropping it unceremoniously to the floor as Shikamaru did the same. Before long, they were naked and clinging to one another on the sofa, bodies pressing together, hips grinding, mouths clashing.

Neji sifted through the coffee-table’s drawer and brought out the lube (they had a lot of it stashed in random places around the flat, for just such an eventuality.) He uncapped it and squeezed some onto his fingers, then reached around and massaged it into Shikamaru’s opening. As he did, Shikamaru bit into his neck, causing all sorts of colours to flash behind his eyes.

Quickly, shifting so that they were kneeling against the sofa, Shikamaru’s chest pressed into the soft padding, he prepared his lover. First one finger, two. More lube added and then three fingers. Four and Shikamaru began to keen, rocking his hips back against Neji’s hand.

Neji slicked himself and pressed close against Shikamaru’s back, his right arm wrapping around the taut chest. With his left hand, he positioned himself and pressed. Slowly, he breached those tight muscles and slid home, working his way in, inch by inch, until his hips met Shikamaru’s rear. For a moment, they locked still, breathing deeply and then Neji moved.

He began a slow rhythm, lips pressed to the nape of Shikamaru’s neck as they grunted together. The slow pull-push was exactly what they both loved, the feel of Shikamaru’s inner muscles gripping his length, the little judders of his lovers body as he caressed the small bundle of nerves deep within him, repeatedly stroking over the prostate.

Within minutes they were panting, skin slick with sweat. He wrapped both arms about Shikamaru’s chest and lifted him up and back until his head rested against the crook of Neji’s neck, leaving his throat open for kisses, nips and licks.

“Hmmmm, Neji… Kami… I love you.”

Neji kissed him, continuing the slow rhythm, “I love you too, Shika’.”

He slipped a hand down Shikamaru’s chest, ghosting fingers over his abdomen, tickling through the coarse hair at his groin and then gripped him. His hand already coated in lube from preparing them both, the slow strokes on Shikamaru’s member matched the thrusts.

Shikamaru groaned deep in his chest and reached back to grip his hips, urging him into a quicker pace. Neji obliged willingly, thrusting harder and faster into his lovers body, losing himself in the feel of the rippling inner muscles clenching tightly around him. They were both close.

A hand clamped over his own and began to tug faster. Shikamaru panted heavily, eyes closed as he pushed back roughly onto Neji, forcing him faster still. Neji sank his teeth into Shikamaru’s shoulder and pushed him forward onto the sofa again, gripping his hip with on hand. He thrust harder and harder, deeper and deeper, Shikamaru throwing his head back, nearly screaming in pleasure.

Shikamaru came suddenly, screaming around his wrist, stuffed urgently into his mouth to stifle the noise. The feel of the orgasm tightening and clenching around him and the sounds of his lovers pleasure, threw Neji over the edge and he soon followed, thrusting hard and deep into Shikamaru and holding still as he rode out the waves of pleasure.

He slipped out and to one side, sighing and smiling as Shikamaru gave him a sated look, “Kami, Neji, I swear that gets better every time…”

Neji laughed lightly, “Or we’re just that good together.” He leaned over and they kissed, languidly, lovingly.

Eventually Shikamaru pulled back, “I’d better shower. Don’t want to spend the next four hours smelling of great sex.”

Neji grinned, “Oh, you never know, could be fun.”

* * * *

Neji listened to Shikamaru’s show from the comfort of their home office as he went through the hordes of emails he’d received. Most of them complaining about the language that had been used in his show, some of it praising him for tackling such a subject and a small amount of it from rabid fan-girls, telling him he should dump Shikamaru and start dating them.

There was one particular email from Moegi, Konohamaru’s girlfriend, apologising for Konohamaru’s behaviour and thanking him for telling her boyfriend to get off his arse and apologise to her. She was unlikely to forgive him, but at least he had tried.

Neji was not looking forward to facing Asuma tomorrow.

He moved to the kitchen, taking the radio with him, as Shikamaru’s program began to reach it’s closing stages. He put the cooker on and quickly fixed a meal for when Shikamaru returned home.

By the time the front door opened and Kiba was guffawing at some late-night news from Shino, the small meal Neji had prepared was ready. Neji welcomed his tired lover home with open arms and a wide smile, pulling him in for a passionate kiss.

By the time Hinata’s Gentle Wakeup show had started, they were wrapped in each others arms, tumbled together in the large, comfy bed, sated, happy and smelling of even more great sex.


End file.
